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Being the thrifty type that I am, and one who likes to think she’s good at taking photos, I decided to save some money and take Girlie’s official 2.5 year old photos this Christmas. My little girl has her half birthday this Friday! Wow. I figure we can save up for some exciting new sibling/three year old pictures this upcoming June 
We had friends over this past weekend who helped out with the family shots (Thanks, Mandy!) Enjoy!
And in order to try one more family shot we bribed the kiddo with holding the cats. It actually worked a bit
I talked recently in my big announcement post about the fears I’m trying to get through with this pregnancy. While I get that fear can be a good thing sometimes and can benefit us, in this case it’s not good. Nothing good can come of imagining my worst fears. It’s not helping, but hurting me.
While I’ve known all of this for the past few weeks I haven’t really known how to fix it or change things. I got a little help last night from the bible study I’m in and I thought I’d share some of the things I learned. We all deal with fears and imagining how we could go on if ____happened, so I figure we could all use this reminder.
Our church has a women’s bible study I decided I’d try out this fall. It’s been good and at times pretty challenging. We’re using a Beth Moore study to guide us through Esther and so far it’s been great. I’ve always enjoyed looking deeper into the stories that are about women in the bible and Esther is certainly a book that involves a brave woman helping her people.
Last night while watching the hour video portion of the study I was really moved and challenged to face this fear that keeps gnawing away at me. The formula, according to Beth Moore, is to see things like this.
And if____________________, then God.
The blank can be whatever your big fear is. Death of a loved one, your children getting sick or kidnapped, illness, husband/wife cheating or a divorce, and on and on.
Basically, whatever happens to you, no matter what, God will still be faithful to you. He will help you off the floor and pick you up again. You can fill in that sentence (And if_____) and know that God will be with you no matter what.
It was like she was preaching to me last night. I left feeling a bit overwhelmed, pretty emotional and then confused. How do I accept this gift of courage and “get over” these fears?
This is the part that’s hard for me and I don’t really have a clear answer yet. For now, I’m hoping to simply start enjoying each part of this pregnancy. If I feel horrible one morning I hope to see that as a reminder that this baby is growing and something is happening in me that’s miraculous. Instead of celebrating I’ve been complaining about feeling bad each morning. While it’s not enjoyable it’s a clear reminder that something wonderful is happening.
Another thing that I’m trying to remember that I heard last night is that the Enemy (yes, I do believe in Satan) threatens your fears over and over again as a constant threat. I myself feel like I have a tape recorder in my head some days playing messages that are good, but mostly bad.
Here’s an example of something my head does that’s just wacky.
Erik: Hey honey, I can do that, let me just take care of it for you.
My mind replays in my head: He’s mad that I didn’t do it earlier and thinks I’m incapable of doing it. I’d better do this and get it done so he doesn’t think I’m a lazy, horrible,wife.
Um…can you say crazy! Fortunately, after talking with many women friends I’m relieved to know I’m not the only one dealing with the nasty voice in their heads. I shared this with Erik and he looked at me like I was nuts. I of course assured him that I knew he wasn’t really thinking that, he just married a wacko
So, I’m trying to rewrite the tape recorder of fears and doubts. Every time I worry about something happening to this baby I tell myself that no matter what happens, this baby is here now and forever I am a mother of three children, even if so far I’ve only met one face to face.
I’m still sifting through the words and thoughts of the evening, but I’m feeling so much more hopeful. It’s time to live in the now. I am blessed to be expecting a great gift, and I want to no longer fear becoming attached. It’s time to get the baby name book out. It’s time to start thinking about getting our crib that’s supposedly been recalled either fixed or thrown away. It’s time to live in this time and enjoy every little thing happening.
Thanks for reading friends. Most of all thanks for letting me clear my head here and get these things out, I’m not sure what I’d do without this time and space!
Here are some videos taken around Thanksgiving time I thought you’d all enjoy.
Girlie is still abusing the cat as you can see, yet somehow the cat seems to come to her happily many times throughout the day, so I say it’s Mighty’s own fault for being a dumb cat
And finally. The two favorites. My Dad and my hubby showing their amazing “skills” at the wii. We had a lot of fun playing my cousin Jennifer’s games,etc. Erik and I are trying to decide if we should get one for each other’s shared Christmas gift this year. I’m a bit afraid for my skull and t.v. though
Friends. I finally have a GOOD excuse as to why I haven’t been blogging. Truth be told I have been missing SusQ and I stopped blogging for a while because this is a place where I find relief in “letting it all out.” I share my life here, my thoughts and I get a lot of warm fuzzies from those who visit and comment.
So, the reason I didn’t blog is that I wasn’t ready to share all that was going on in my little corner of the world and by not telling you all what was happening it was almost like lying to you. I was playing it safe, staying all nice and secure in my own little land of secrecy, but I’m ready to finally let you back in.
I didn’t blog because I’m PREGNANT.
See, that’s why it was tough to not blog and I knew I’d want to tell you all from day one if I blogged about what was going on in my life.
The newest Brekke will arrive around June 24th and I’m currently 10 weeks (11 weeks this Thursday). He/she is doing well and growing and I’ve heard the heartbeat twice now, so I’m feeling quite relieved and it’s beginning to sink in each day that, oh yeah, I really am pregnant and there will be a small hungry, loud, little baby occupying this house this summer.
Girlie doesn’t really understand what’s happening. We didn’t tell her until this weekend when it seemed obvious that she’d overhear discussions about the baby and maybe wonder what we were talking about. All she wanted to know was “What the baby’s name going to be?” and she decided she’d like a sister. It’s strange to think that she’ll turn three-year old a few days before the baby arrives (June 18). I’m hoping she’ll be excited and not too devastated to share her parents and Grandparents with another little person.
I’ve been feeling pregnant these days for sure. With Girlie I was sick a few times and had some headaches the second trimester, but overall enjoyed being pregnant and managed to still mantain my childcare business.
This time around has been slightly worse. I’ve been feeling sick each morning, but fortunately not losing my breakfast too often. I’m quite tired, but I think that’s from chasing around “little miss two-year old who enjoys being naked” and forcing pants on her. All the unpleasant things that are associated with pregnancy are completely worth it and when it gets bad I just say, “this too shall pass!”
I’ve been dealing with a lot of emotion this time around and I’ll write in more detail about this later. Losing a baby is something I won’t ever get over and it’s changed this whole process completely. We waited to tell people until just recently, I didn’t start reading my pregnancy books until about a week ago, and I still haven’t gotten out the baby name book. Part of me is still scared to think that things won’t be fine and it’s hard to let that wall of fear down.
Day by day it’s coming apart and I’m starting to let myself get excited and bond with this little one. He/she is making him/herself known which helps, too. My Mom said as soon as I walked in the door for thanksgiving, “YOU’VE ALREADY GOT A BELLY!” It was nice to hear that and let myself get excited about it.
Thanks for coming back to read (for those who do meander back!) I’ve missed this time to write and share with you and I look forward to much more time on SusQ.
I wish you all a belated Thanksgiving, we’ve all certainly got much to be thankful for I myself have found much joy in this little stinker below!
Things here are chugging along well. I was down and out with a cold last week (like the rest of the midwest seemed to be!) Now that I’m more able to think and not be a big lump of gray mush I thought I’d start the posting off with a picture from Halloween. We had a fun night and the kiddos is loving all these nice treats in our house. The Daddio and I are trying to eat them all after she goes to bed to avoid repetitive nights of sugar highs :)
Notice in shot two of this little froggy the ridiculously full bag of candy. She insisted on carrying it all by herself and at the end of the long up and down walk of our street it was plumb full and she was struggling to carry it!
Note that her lips are blue. Although it was cold outside the lips are candy stained M&M lips. The candy eating started early that night!
