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Hello to any readers that are still checking in. I apologize, it hasbeen quite a while since I’ve written and to be honest, I wasn’t sure how and when I’d be back here writing about what has been happening lately. I’ve written and rewritten this post in my head for two weeks and many times I’ve wanted to write but just haven’t.
The past few weeks have been some of the most painful of my life and I think I’ve felt almost every emotion out there that I can think of. It’s so hard for me to say this, or should I say write these events, but I must and I believe in the long run I’ll benefit from it and I hope others will, too.
So…here’s my recap of the last few weeks for you all. Two days after moving in to our new home I was overjoyed to see two pink lines on a pregnancy test. Erik and I were a bit shocked that it happened so quickly and in the middle of all the stress of moving and our parents who were here were very excited to be able to hear that Grandbaby number two was arriving in late March.
Life continued on and I gave up my cherished morning coffee and soda, Girlie and I enjoyed swimming lessons, and we got into a great schedule inour life here. On August 8 our lives came to a screeching halt and I began a long week of waiting.
I started bleeding and cramping that Saturday afternoon, spent five hours in the ER and came home with little to no answers of what was happening. The doctors there assured me that 20% of pregnant women experience bleeding and that I should stop worrying and just take it easy. They drew my blood and measured my hormone levels and also did an ultrasound.
The ultrasound showed a five week, two day gestational sac, but there was no baby that could be seen. They assured me it was very early and that everything could be fine. It was just a wait and see type situation. I was told to have my blood drawn again two days later as typically when pregnant your hormone levels double every 48-72 hours in the first weeks.
The week that followed was one of the most stressful I’ve ever had. Unfortunately, we were still on Erik’s UW health insurance until Aug. 20. I called them, explained the situation, and asked to be given permission to be seen by an O.B. here in Carol Stream rather than drive the two+ hours to Madison. I was told that this decision needed to be made by some higher ups and that they’d call me the next morning around 9:30-10:00 to tell me whether I needed to come back to Madison for a tentative appointment and blood draw at 1pm.
I got the call at 11am. Hmm…it seemed these folks had zero communication or math skills. We live at least two hours, fifteen minutes from them and they gave me less than that to make it to an appointment along with a two year old and everything needed for a whole day. We hit some traffic and roadwork and eventually made it to the clinic at 2:30. The appointment wasn’t that important so they didn’t reschedule and we did the five second blood draw and then left to spend time with some friends and enjoy a great night at our former church’s vacation bible school. Girlie LOVED the singing and had fun with all her old buddies. It was bittersweet to “go home” to our church family while dealing with so much and wishing we could just be back in Madison around our support network.
Just after leaving the church driveway we got a call from the lab. My hormone levels were dropping which meant I was most likely miscarrying. We were pretty upset while driving home those two hours. I had felt really hopeful that day and had even stopped bleeding for most of the day. As soon as we heard the results I began to bleed again and it was like my body began to give up, too.
We were scheduled for a final appointment Friday (again, in Madison) where I’d have one more ultrasound and blood draw. We made it through that week to Friday and our ultrasound on time (phew). Girlie had a great time with our friends the Schoohs while Erik and I went to the appointment.
As soon as the ultrasound tech began measuring my uterus I knew there was no baby. I laid there in the same clinic just under three years ago watching Girlie at nine weeks kicking and moving all over the place. I could see her heart beating, her toes and fingers. This time I saw nothing, and I should have, as I was supposed to be eight weeks that day.
The worst part of both of my ultrasounds was listening to my own heartbeat on the monitor while they checked some major veins and arteries and wishing and praying that it would be my baby’s. You know that sound you hear when they check heartbeats. The whoosh-whoosh sound. Listening to that sound and knowing it was my heart and not a baby’s heart was horrible. I wanted to ask the ultrasound tech to mute it, but I figured that was impossible.
My doctor was kind enough to call us at the clinic and explain what would happen next. While we waited upstairs for a pain med prescription to finish filling I found out from my Mom that my Great Grandma Georgia was not doing well. I knew that she had been in the hospital but I wasn’t expecting her to be doing so badly so quickly. For those who don’t remember, my Great Grandma Georgia is the original “Girlie.” Here are five Soiney generations below from last Thanksgiving.
It turns out my Grandma decided that day that she’d had enough. She was ninety-eight, tired, not feeling well and ready to go. She told the doctors that she didn’t want any more of the very painful anti-blood clot shots she’d been getting or the i.v. feeding. She just wanted to go peacefully and asked them to keep her comfortable. Everyone was able to say their goodbyes and fortunately I was able to say goodbye via my Great Aunt Mickey who told her what I wanted to say. She was in a coma by that afternoon.
Saturday into Sunday morning I had pretty bad cramping and bleeding, but still no miscarriage. Finally, I miscarried Monday evening. It was pain free and happened an hour and a half after my Great Grandma Georgia Elizabeth Soiney died. I felt an amazing amount of peace after it was all over. My Grandma loved the Lord and was surely in His presence. It was obvious to me after miscarrying that our baby was alive a very short time. There was a gestational sac which hadn’t yet turned into a placenta and baby. I felt relief knowing that our baby was with God. Two of the most important people in my life were not lost, but surrounded by pure joy.
Girlie and I made it to Grandma’s funeral to say goodbye. It didn’t look like her in the casket. It was hard to see her like that, yet I knew once again that she wasn’t in that body, she was free. My Mom helped me out with saying goodbye to her by placing in her casket a small little bag with four pink peppermints and a calla lily that said Great-Great-Grandma on it from her Jannah Elyzabeth (yes…I just used her real name for those who didn’t know it!) The peppermints were there because every time I used to leave her house after a visit I’d have a pink peppermint from her candy bowl. It was a tradition for me and she so loved to feed and spoil her family. I have that candy bowl now and I know someday I’ll be a Granny handing out peppermints to my loved ones 
I decided to write about my miscarriage because maybe it will help someone dealing with the same issue. My best friend has been dealing with infertility and the heartache of a miscarriage. I’ve also found so many women on the internet dealing with infertility and miscarriage. I can become pregnant. I can carry a child to term. So many others out there can’t do either and I can’t imagine their heartbreak. Thank you to the many women out there that encouraged me and helped me see that I can keep moving and going on through this tough time. Thank you for reminding me that I have a second child even though I never met this baby.
Erik and I were apart for over a week while I was in Minnesota for the funeral. It was tough to mourn away from him and I felt like I had to keep it together for everyone elses’ sake. Once I was back home in Carol Stream there was no escaping the sadness that I had tried so hard to keep in. Erik realized he had been pushing everything out of his mind by working a lot. So, finally, we talked more, read a helpful book and cried our tears together for a lost baby. Erik said he felt that the baby was a girl. (He was right the last time around!) He didn’t know why, but he just felt like the baby was a girl and wanted to name her Hope. So, we’ve said our goodbyes and we’re grateful to have a name to help us remember and never forget. I figure if the baby was a boy he can complain some day to us when we see him in heaven
I want to end this post by giving a few tips to folks who never know what to say in these situations. It’s hard and I understand. I’ve been there. I remember the feelings of helplessness and awkwardness and the fear that I’d say the wrong thing to my friend who was mourning her baby. People say things that are hurtful without realizing it, but here are a few things you CAN say to help someone who is dealing with a loss like this.
Simply saying ”I’m sorry for your loss” and “I’m praying for you” are perfect. Offering to talk is always good and remind them that they are always and forever a mother, even if they didn’t meet their baby. For me the hardest part was feeling like I had to keep all my emotion in check and stay strong. One of the most touching moments for me was hearing my sister-in-law, Juli, crying over the phone. She felt bad for crying, but to me it showed that she loved me, was sad for me, and was sad to lose a baby she would have loved. Her tears made it okay for me to be sad and made me feel like I wasn’t overreacting or being dramatic with my sadness.
Lastly, remember that it will take time for someone to move on with life. Don’t tell them they can always have another. Don’t tell them the Lord meant it to happen and something was very wrong with the developing baby. You can say that their baby is in God’s hands, but don’t say it was for the better that the baby died.
Thanks to those who check back in here now and then. I’ve missed writing and I know I’ll need to share what’s in my heart more often now. Miss Girlie throughout this whole time has been AMAZING. She knew we were sad, yet did great at being flexible with traveling away from her Daddy (maybe the fact that we rode an airplane one way helped?) In fact, she did so well that she decided to officially become POTTY TRAINED!! She’s had maybe five accidents in a week and a half period. She’s very proud of her new skill and is enjoying her big girl underwear. I’ve got photos to post soon of our trip to Minnesota. I’m looking forward to sharing more of them with you soon!
*Girlie with her second cousins Jenny and Brittany having a ball!
Here’s video #2 as promised.
I should explain a few things also. The past two weeks have been filled with songs from swimming lessons. The kiddo loves to sing them. She starts here with trying to do “Ring around the rosie” with Mighty cat. Kitty didn’t like that one much! Then, she moves on to the “I’m a little pancake on my back song” where at swimming lessons she starts by lying on her back in the water and then flips over to her tummy. And last she adds a verse from the wheels on the bus saying the people on the bus go “Up and Down.” Lastly, after kicking Mighty a few times she sings her a “pretty song.” Sometime’s it hard to understand what she’s saying, but you get the idea now Enjoy!
We’re crusing right along in our new little life here. Erik is getting into a routine with work and is happy with his progress in getting labs/teaching stuff ready. I’m enjoying each day and finding that I can (so far) handle all this stay at home stuff
Yesterday was fun as Girlie decided she was going to help me clean the bathrooms. She did really well and it made the chore much more entertaining and faster than usual. She emptied all the garbages, “swept” the floor, scrubbed with me as I did the toilets and in general just loved feeling like she was oh so important of a helper.
Speaking of important. Here’s a picture of the sucesses on the potty so far this week.
She’s been wearing underwear once in a while and is liking her pull up training pants. I still find this to be more PARENT training than potty training. We’re the ones who need to remember that it’s been 45 min. since the last potty check and I’m finding the out in public part the hardest. It will all come together someday, I’m just happy that most of her poopies are on the potty now!
She’s really into helping. Each night she sets the table and attempts to help make the dinner. I’m constantly hearing her say “I’ll do it by self” or in anger usually when I’ve tried to help she’ll be screaming, “I DO IT.” It’s nice to see her taking an active role in our family and Erik has commented that when he gets home from work he can have a nice conversation now. Last night she informed him all about her day from swimming lessons, to going to the big store to making chicken and potatoes for dinner. She’s growing up really fast!!
We had an exciting visit a few days ago from my friend Meggon. She came by for a little girl time and to see the new place. It’s nice to be only about an hour away from her now. Here she is with her most favorite God-daughter at the nearby zoo.
I think they were having a discussion about the weird looking duck they were watching. He really was a bit crazy looking and he seemed to resemble Don King. Seriously, check this out!!
Duck…..
And Don King….
Quite an uncanny resemblance I think.
So….besides zoo trips to see weird ducks, great visits from Meggon and swimming lessons we’ve been putting a few more finishing touches on our place. Last night we got our family pictures up and I bought some frames for another project. Results from that project will be posted later!
I’ll end today’s post with a promise for another Mighty versus Annoying Two Year Old video to come tomorrow. It’s quite funny and I hope you enjoy watching another torture session
One last photo to share from bath time last night. She’s really gotten good at “floating” and putting her whole head in the water.
